Yesterday, while driving to the orthodontist for an appointment, I stopped at a red light and found myself waiting behind a hearse. Emblazoned across the back in dripping, bright green letters were the words “Dr. Frybrain’s™ Pumpkin Embalmer,” with the sub-caption, “Fights Yucky Mold, Repels Creepy Bugs.”To the left of this was an image of a mad scientist, eyebrows bushy, hair askew in the manner of Albert Einstein or James Watson, holding a vial of some bubbling, noxious chemical. Affixed to the hitch was a small, plastic skull.
I passed by the car and continued on to my appointment, glancing in the rear-view mirror just long enough to notice the painted, green flames licking the hood of that surreal apparition. Entering the orthodontist office, I asked for paper and pen, and took a few notes so as not to forget to tell you all what I saw.